Updated: Dec 14, 2022
Welcome to the Born for Greatness podcast. I am so glad you came to join me today. So I'm going to talk about value and worth because I talk about it a lot on Instagram and TikTok and blah, blah, blah. But I think it's very important that we touch on it a little more because there are so many people who are struggling to see their value and worth in this life.
With everything that goes around us in stuff, in society, it's so hard to believe that you're enough. I mean, you hear it, there's songs about it, people talk about it all the time because it's like a real thing. It's a huge issue that plagues, I would say most of us, because think of what we're up against. We live in a world in which you have to fit into this cookie cutter in order to be perceived as beautiful and charming and desirable. Which sucks. Let's just be honest. It just sucks because how many of us actually feel that way, right? How many of us feel like we fit into that cookie cutter mold in which we could be up on a billboard and be praised? I can't think of too many people. But the problem is that nobody talks about it. We don't talk about it because no one likes to talk about the tough stuff, which I don't blame them because I never wanted to talk about it either.
So let me just live in my little fairy tale world over here in which I pretend like nothing's happening, even though everything's happening, and I'll get back to you on the other stuff. Anyhow, so I'm going to tell you a little story, and that starts with the fact that I always felt like I didn't fit in. I still to this day struggle with feeling like I fit in. And it's not because I would say I necessarily don't, it's just that I'm actually not sure. Honestly, I'm not sure why I don't fit in. But there are pieces. So growing up I always had these reoccurring thoughts like, you're never going to be good enough. You have no value, no one's going to find you desirable, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Which had nothing to do with my home because my parents were always very encouraging and my mother actually had me convinced that I was a real princess because that's how she was trying to help me to view myself. And I totally took it literally. But that's for another day. Anyways. Okay, so let's go back. Like, I don't know, this makes me feel old again. 20 years maybe before social media influencing was a big deal, and maybe I'm going back too far. Anyhow, doesn't matter. You know how you see, especially because we're coming up on Fall, these women who show you how they decorate their porches and the pumpkins are perfect and the little hay thing, the jigs look fantastic and blah, blah, blah.
So it used to kill me that that was not me. Not only can I not make that look pretty, I despise doing that type of stuff. Despise it. It's like as if you ask me to sit down and do calculus or something like, no, it's painful. No, that's not the only thing. So you grow up with this idealistic view, and my mom is like, super good decorator. My mom's also a really good cook. To me, I was like, okay, that's what's going to make me, like, an awesome woman, right? I'm just going to make me a great wife someday. I'm going to have the house decorated. I'm going to cook these amazing meals. And yes, I realize things in society have changed a bit, but they also kind of haven't because women are still expected to do the majority of that. Have I become a good cook? No, I have not. If you have had the privilege of seeing my Merrymee Chicken TikTok or Real, I can't remember which I did. Maybe I did it on both, but you'll understand it's not pretty. I can cook. I just didn't say I'm a good cook, right? So basically, I don't have dinner parties. I don't have people over because it stresses me out anyways. But the whole thing for an extrovert, you would think, I would like that. No, just invite me over. I'm getting sidetracked here. So back to it. So I grew up with these images, right, of what the idealistic woman is. And it's not like it's on TV. It's in magazines. I got to look a certain way. I have to act a certain way. I have to do X, Y and Z, and that was just never me. And then I end up in a relationship that's abusive, reminding me of all of my flaws and reminded that I'm never going to measure up, and I am nowhere near what a woman should be. And the hard part was that I've always been very driven, and I've had a job since I was really young, and career stuff was always like, I wanted to own a company, I wanted to be in charge, I wanted to do public speaking.
All of those things were my passions. But I got married at 20, and then I had three children by the time I was 27. Yes, which is funny because I never knew how much I'd love being a mom. Like, I love my kids. I can't I mean, they're my everything, right? But I wanted to do both, and that was very confusing because there wasn't a lot of moms doing both. And then you see these movies I forget. There was this one movie I saw about a woman who was trying to forget the name of it, but she was trying to advance in her career, but it required her to travel. And everybody was like, but you're a mom and you should be home. And if you're a guy, you don't hear that, right? So it's like this ongoing battle of where do I fit in? What makes me valuable, what makes me worthy? Because I have all of these things in my mind and all of these images coming at me of what does and does not make me a real woman. And that, to me, was so damaging. And I know it's not just me, right? There are so many other women who feel this way because we're all growing up in the society that puts labels on things and makes you feel one way or the other. Needless to say, don't take me to Michaels, don't take me to Hobby Lobby, because I can't handle it. I just can't. But I digress again.
Today I was going for my walk. I love to walk outside when it's nice because that's where I do all my thinking. Which is funny because I have to listen to music at all times. If you know me, I can't stand dead silence, mostly because my brain is going a million miles an hour and music helps calm my thoughts. I'm out today and I never work out in the mornings. I hate to work out in the morning. But today I went out and it wasn't even that early. But today I go out for a walk, and I hadn't showered, my hair was a mess. I threw him leggings in a sweatshirt because it was cool out. And I'm walking along and I'm seeing these girls who I would say are taking the hot girl walk. Have you heard that? It's like the new thing, right? Hot girl walks. I'm old, so I probably don't understand exactly what that's supposed to mean, but what I've gathered is you wear the super cute matching outfit, which I do love a good matching workout attire, but you are supposed to wear, like, the Lulu Lemon bag or something that was like a fanny pack, which but you wear whatever. And then like, your super cool cup and your headphones or whatever. Something about this means it's a hot girl walk. And I can't for the life of me figure out, why are we calling it a hot girl walk? Why isn't it just a walk? And do guys do hot guy walks? Or are those just walks? Because none of it makes sense to me. And all I left thinking is, ten years ago, I would have thought, oh, my if I don't look just like this when I'm walking, that must mean I'm not pretty. And if I'm not pretty, then, oh, my gosh, is anyone going to find me desirable? Do I have any value? Or am I nothing? That's how I would have thought.
But I just don't think that when we're saying these things, we realize how people internalize it and what they're thinking in the younger group, especially people who feel like they can't measure up, right? Maybe they're not a size zero and maybe they can't afford to have their eyelashes done. Which eyelash? I'd love to have my eyelashes done. But again, anyways, the work we have to do as women to get ourselves ready in the morning. Anyhow, again, I digress. Shocking. Anyways, I was just pondering this thought of like I just don't think people realize what saying this type of thing can do because we're already, all of us, I don't really know anyone except for some. Well, that's not true. Maybe I know one or two, but the vast majority of people aren't waking up feeling like they're amazing. Right? That's why workout programs are so popular. That's why weight loss stuff is so popular. That's why all of this coaching stuff is popular. I guess that's what I'm going to say. Because everybody's striving to be better, to be a certain way. Why do we feel that way? Because without feeling like that, we feel less than and undeserving and not worthy. Right? I mean, I don't see it any other way. Not to say that I am necessarily right, but this is just my own experience. And for me, if you're going to try to motivate me or encourage me, please don't do that. If you've never been down in the trenches, if you don't know what it's like to be down in the trenches, it's very hard for me to take you at face value and believe what you're saying has really any merit to it, because you don't know what it's like to drag yourself out of a hole. I say all that to say like, this was me not that long ago, believing that I had to continually prove myself in order to be seen as someone who had value and be respected. And I think they say respect has to be earned. And honestly, I am not sure I agree with that 100%. I think we should be respected as humans right off the bat. You can lose my respect and then have to earn it back. But I think right out of the get go, we should be respectful to everyone. Because I've said it before and I'll say it a thousand times, you never know what somebody's going through. And as we've seen, most people who are suffering from depression and anxiety hide it very, very well.
And those are the people like myself, who looked as though everything was wonderful and great and I was dying inside. Nobody knew what my marriage was like. I kept it all to myself. So people were shocked when I left my ex husband because they had no idea. And people would also say to me, like when I was working ridiculous hours with three little kids because I worked two jobs for a while so that I could save up money to get out of the ridiculously small apartment that we were living in, say, how do you do it all? And I would respond with, oh, I don't know, some dumb response because I was embarrassed to say, I'm not doing it all. Not even close. Like, not even close. I am failing. And I felt like I was such a failure. Failure. Because, again, here's the thing, especially when your kids are, like, in preschool and that, like, age you're where I live too. There's a ton of stay at home moms. You know, the kinds that their houses are always perfect. The meals they make are great. Their children have these great little lunch boxes with notes in them. And the first day of school, if you saw me, I talked about that the other day. They have those, like, signs, right, that say, like, your favorite food, what you want to be when you grow up, blah, blah, blah. I love those. I think those are the sweetest things. And I used to give myself such a hard time because that was not me. I wanted it to be me because I felt, oh, maybe I would be wife material and good mother material if I did that. But then I realized through circumstances and age and just life that it's okay that you don't check off every box. You were never meant to check off every box. Some of us are really great at that kind of stuff, and some of us are really great at other things. Business, maybe.
Other I don't know. For me, I like to take charge of things. I can be a little bossy. I'm well aware of this. I am fine with it. Because I don't know. Anyway, I just think that we can sometimes feel as though we are never going to be enough because we measure ourselves up against someone who may have other talents and be gifted in other things that we are not. And the problem is, no one is saying to you, you are worthy. You are enough just as you are. You do not have to prove that ever. You don't ever have to prove that you have value as a human just as you are. Seriously, stop and let that fact sink in, because I can bet most people don't believe that. Most people don't wake up in the morning and think, oh, I'm valuable. I don't have to prove myself today, right? Because that's not what we're taught. We have to prove ourselves constantly. And I'm not saying that doesn't mean we should be doing a good job and striving for excellence, because that's kind of my personality. I always want to give 110% in things that I do. But I'm saying that I don't come to the table having to prove my worth anymore. I already know what I bring to the table. I am good with what I can bring, and I am good with what I can't. And I think that is so important to learn not only individually for your own life, but in business. It is so, so important because the minute you realize you can't do it, all is the minute and accept it is the minute that you can hire the people who are good at the things you are not. I used to be so afraid to say, oh, yeah, I'm not good at that. And I would take on things that I wasn't equipped for, and then I would beat myself up because I felt like a failure because I couldn't do what I was never supposed to be doing in the first place. Don't give me design. Don't give me decoration. I will fail you. Miserably. Miserably. But that doesn't mean that I'm not awesome at other things, right?
Stop trying to fit in the cookie cutter mold because you're never going to. And honestly, who wants to be you? Don't worry about going on the hot girl walk looking just so because you know what such an important thing? Beauty will fade. And what are you left with? You're left with your heart and your character in how you treat others. I talk about this all the time because it is so, so important. And it's not something I used to believe, but it is something that I'm hugely passionate about now because I think that this world could be such a better place to live if we stop focusing so much on outward beauty and focus more on inner beauty. I'm just here to remind you when you get up in the morning, you have value. You have worth. You are more than enough just as you are. Just as you are. We all have ways to improve. We all need to go out and give our best. But that doesn't mean you're not awesome from the start. So I hope you remember that. I hope that you believe in yourself and remember that you were born for greatness. Have an awesome day.